He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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