i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
