I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
