xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
