I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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