dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
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My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
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Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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