So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
In other news, I just burned my penis
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
