I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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