Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
