you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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