filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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