Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
