Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
