he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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