Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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