i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
