can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
