I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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