obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
