I just threw up on my dentist
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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