"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
