It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
