So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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