im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
