1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
