I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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