in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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