i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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