saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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