watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Randomize
