This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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