What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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