Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
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