so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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