Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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