Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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