Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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