Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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