a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
