I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
she peed on how many people?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
