ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
