I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
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