How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
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