How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
