Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
