it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
