i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
