where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
