I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
