Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
