He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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