You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
