i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
stop calling my apartment porn island.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
