One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
