So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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