We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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