I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
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plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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