I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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