So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
