great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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