so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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