he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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