Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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