I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
i think my cat just said my name.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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