oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
