Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize