Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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