He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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