I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
