she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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