I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
