well he's currently spooning the coffee table
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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