i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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