remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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