I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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