i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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