Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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